Kleptomaniac Rats

Toppled over buildings, crashed spaceships, lumps of melted junk and trinkets burned to a crisp indicate that the former inhabitants of … fled their homes in the midst of a losing battle against a superior foe. The presence of bodies bearing foreign military insignia suggests it may have been infighting between clans of rats native to different homeworlds.

Their evacuation efforts were impeded by their unwillingness to abandon their treasured trinkets and many lost their lives scrabbling to save completely mundane items. One artifact, however, seems to have held a special place in their society, the Rubricator. It appears that they fought long and hard to save it, but ultimately had to leave it behind.

There is an order to the rats' chaos. In a somewhat official-looking building towards the center of town there is a digital inventory of every single item complete with their origins, gross misinterpretations of their intended uses as well as some highly unhelpful notes on where to find them.

The Rubricator, described as a thingamajig-maker with magical powers, has its place to the right of the empress's lilac ribbon, under her snout-swabs, on the four-legged box with the funny face... wherever that is.

The excavating team has discovered the source of the foul stench and it is ill-boding. Closer to the center of the city are enormous piles of dried fecal matter and pools of corrosive bile that exude toxic levels of hydrogen sulfide making protective equipment necessary to proceed further. The archaeologists could not identify the alien DNA in the fecal matter but the piles contain partially digested hoarders.

Whatever consumed these aliens swallowed them whole. Even more disconcerting is the discovery of a fresh pile.

At the very center of the city, overlooking the main square, is a grand, ostensibly decorated 'palace' with a garish neon sign advertising the 'Empress Motel'. Inside it are lavish chambers filled to the brim with treasure, from which the Empress and her board of trusted advisers governed. It is also where the hoarders held their last stand, defending their empress and her precious Rubricator.

With any luck the Rubricator can still be found in its usual spot, by the Empress's lilac ribbon...

The archaeologists were preparing to leave when they happened upon a large, hidden chamber cluttered with artifacts, gnawed bones and a substantial amount of fresh slobber. There - under a used royal nose-swab, on a four-legged table with a carving of a face they confirm was indeed funny, sat the Rubricator, maker of thingamajigs, right where it was supposed to be. A tiny insignificant-looking cube, spewing out a continuous stream of artifacts.

The Rubricator is a replicator - an ingenious alien invention that can make endless copies of just about any artifact, and soon it is ours. The planetside team will begin the journey back to the safety of the ship. Thankfully we will never know what attacked the hoarders.